I Couldn’t Have Said it Better Myself

 

 

For the last week a theme keeps popping up. I forgot to grow up. Oh my God, how did I miss it??? Perhaps….BOOZE?

“ Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got” [W.C. Fields].

  • I don’t know how to re-charge a car battery. John had to do it 4 times this week. “I’ll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times just to make sure” [Mae West].
  • I don’t know squat about world events, and when I try to enlighten myself,  I notice a smudge on the wall and wander off to clean it. “The Covers of this book are too far apart” [Ambrose Bierce].
  • I don’t have skills to get a job whose pay would cover the cost of someone else doing the dishes. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work” [Thomas Alva Edison].
  •  I can’t bartend or waitress because I have never worked in a restaurant without being fired for faceplanting into a booth. “He who sleeps on the floor will not fall off the bed” [Robert Gronock].
  • I am mocked for my lack of computer skills. In fact, John has to be an administrator here; therefore I can’t write much about him (except for a couple of posts back when I was so wild with rage that I couldn’t help myself). “If the wife sins, the husband is not innocent” [Italian Proverb].
  • I have issues with food. I refuse to taste while concocting meals, so they usually come out fairly inedible. “I don’t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking” [Katherine Cebrian].
This is a whiny, poor-me post. I’m going off to brainstorm about the things I CAN do. I have always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific” [Lily Tomlin].

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