Fancy Fran

Francesca is my official OA sponsor. She is asking me for things I am unwilling to do: report my food; eat protein/vegetables/starch instead of my beloved cupcake lunch, and above all – be honest. Yeah right, Fancy Lady.

I spent two whole days (which actually is miraculous) of following an actual plan, when some a$$hole brought home an enormous danish with two bites in it and left it on the counter. I chucked it in the trash, but at 1 a.m. I heard a strange plea for rescue and I ran to that garbage and fished it out. And well, the rest is the rest.

I have been lying to Francesca ever since. I can’t do it. I can’t follow her instructions. I know I am powerless over food and my life has  become unmanageable, but it is my last drug.  She is a Fancy Lady anyway. Anyone younger and more successful than I; anyone with raven hair is unqualified to tell me what to do. OH, yeah.

I’m doing what I’ve always done: omitting facts; choosing what I want to consider abstinence, eating gobs of sugar – not to mention having enormous nightsnacks. On the plus side, I haven’t binged or purged in a week, so….

But I don’t know her. And she scares me. I googled her and she is all Movie Starrish and Fabulous and I hate her.

I don’t know where to start. What can I do and HONESTLY stick to? Maybe I could tell her, “Look, Fancy Lady, I simply cannot do as you suggest, so for today I commit to my bottom line of abstinence: no b/p. I can also commit a suitable breakfast, ok? Ok, Fancy, successful, gorgeous Lady??”

Yeah, I’m gonna do that right now. Good luck with that, I say to myself. Let’s see what she has to say about that. Fancy Lady.

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  • Imogen

    I think your plan to commit to your bottom line of abstinence sounds really positive. Any honesty is going to bring the addiction to light and give you some power back. Is Fancy Lady allowed to tell you how to ‘do’ your recovery?? I don’t do AA or have a sponsor so am a bit clueless re the process…

    • Catherine

      Hee. “Fancy Lady.” Well, she can’t TELL me what to do, as such, but she can offer what has worked for her, make suggestions, hear about my food and comment on it (which is one of the reasons I am loathe to send it to her, the food list I mean, because I don’t want anyone to eff with my stuff). I am not obligated to take any of her suggestions. But then she probably wouldn’t sponsor me. She can also guide me through the 12 steps, which if you are not in a 12 step program might not mean anything to you. I just have heard testimony after testimony that people become “Free” from obsession and pain when they do them, so I am willing to give it a try. What the hell.

      Basically a sponsor is there to help one become free of the addiction. It is a phenomenon which seems to work – one addict working with another. Something rather unexplainable.

      Thank you for your support. The bottom line is the bottom line and it is equivalent to simply not drinking. Once I have achieved a bit of “food sobriety” I would like to be free from the obsession. Which is where I guess the honesty comes in.

      I don’t really frigging know frankly. :)
      Take good care!
      Catherine

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